I WONDER

2009-05-11T14:41:00.000-07:00

2009-04-29T13:16:00.000-07:00

2009-03-30T12:43:00.000-07:00

wonder of life

2008-11-24T13:01:00.000-08:00

love

2008-11-24T12:52:00.000-08:00

See cool websitehttp://fromparis.com/tests/grand_palais_01/

2008-10-27T12:24:00.000-07:00

Life and the running of beauty. Gods children and life that shows in Gods children. The freedom and life that this tiger shows. It shows so much life. and freedom. And some times I would like to feel like that tiger and feel like I can have the freedom that that tiger shows.

2008-10-27T12:20:00.000-07:00

The Person Who Had Feelings

Once there was a very small person who had feelings. They had many feelings and got them every day. Their family liked them when they showed their feelings. So, they started wearing them on their sleeve.

One day one of the parents said they did not like to see the small person's FEAR feeling anymore, so the small person tried to pull it off. The parent said they would give the small person some TOUGH to cover their FEAR. It was very hard to cover the FEAR with TOUGH so the other parent and grandparents helped. It took many days. "Now you look wonderful" the parents said when it was done. "We've covered some of your FEAR with TOUGH. You will grow into a good strong person".

When the small person was a little older they found a friend. The friend also wore their feelings on their sleeve. One day the friend said, "My parents want me to cover up my LONELY feelings and I will be different from now on." And they were! the small person decided to cover their LONELY feelings too and they got ANGER from another adult. The small person put the big patches of ANGER on top of their LONELY. It was hard work trying to cover the LONELY feelings.

One day when the small person went to school some of their LONELY feelings started to show. So, the teacher kept them later and gave them some GUILT to cover the LONELY feelings. Sometimes at night when they were alone, the small person would look at their feelings. They would pull off the TOUGH and ANGER to look at their LONELY and FEAR. Then they would have to take a long time putting the TOUGH, ANGER, and GUILT on again.

One night they noticed that their LONELY and FEAR were growing and sticking out around the patches. The small person had to go out to find some more ANGER to cover the LONELY and got all the TOUGH that their parents could spare to cover up their FEAR.

This small person grew bigger and very popular. Everyone said that this person could hide their feelings well. One day the person's parents said that they had a PROUD feeling because the person had so much TOUGH. But, the person could not find anywhere to put the PROUD feeling because the TOUGH was getting so big. The person had trouble finding any room on their sleeve for any other feelings. The TOUGH and the ANGER were all that showed.

Then one day they met another person and became friends. They thought that they were a lot alike because they both had only TOUGH and ANGRY feelings showing. But one day their friend told the person a secret. "I'm not really like you. My TOUGH and ANGRY are really only patches to hide my FEAR and LONELY." Their friend then pulled back the edge of their TOUGH and showed the person FEAR - just for a second.

The person sat quiet and did not speak. Then carefully they pulled back a little edge of their TOUGH and showed their FEAR. The friend saw the LONELY underneath. Then the friend gently reached out and touched the person's FEAR and then the LONELY. The friend's touch was like magic. A feeling of ACCEPTANCE appeared on the person's sleeves, and the TOUGH and ANGER were smaller. Then the person knew that whenever someone gave him ACCEPTANCE they would need less TOUGH and then there would be more room to show their REAL feelings whatever they were; HAPPY...LONELY...PROUD...SAD...LOVING...STRONG...
GOOD....WARM......HURT...FEAR.. .ETC.

(Author unknown)

Return to Pat's Main Directory

2008-10-27T12:14:00.000-07:00

2008-10-20T14:17:00.000-07:00

GODS LOVES ALL.

Black Seed

2008-10-20T14:01:00.000-07:00

Some times in life I will go though thing and people that can be very dark and ugly about it. And trying to understand these things are very hard for me. And it can be a very lonely road.

2008-10-20T12:48:00.001-07:00

Baby Tiger

2008-10-20T12:20:00.000-07:00

2008-10-15T14:00:00.000-07:00

The Blue Butterfly

2008-10-15T13:37:00.000-07:00

Butterfly's flows in the air with grace across the water fall of god's land.

2008-10-06T14:22:00.000-07:00

Cry Baby is my new baby cat I got for my dog Lucky. And they get alone fine so for . I love it when the y they are playing it is so cute.

Cry Baby

2008-10-06T13:53:00.000-07:00

2008-09-29T14:03:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like a spider. Because it is small and I feel small and ugly and they just see me and step on me. I don't like to feel small and be looked down at . I've got a lot of growing to do . But I'm trying to grow in a positive direction it does not happen over night . but at leased I'm trying And the lord is there. Thank you lord.

2008-09-29T13:55:00.000-07:00

You Now

2008-09-29T13:22:00.001-07:00

Me now. I'm still trying to find myself . I feel like I'm doing good in school. I'm trying to figure out what is my next step. I am scared that I will make a wrong move. I have to move forward and if it is wrong I know not to do that again. I feel like I'm alone in this growing steps that I'm doing for myself. I know the Lord is there. But don't know if it is right on what I'm doing some time. Because I feel like I'm all alone doing things. I feel like the family I have is disrespecting me. And I don't know how to stop them from keep on doing what they are doing. I feel they don't why they won't stop the games. Lord help me understand WHY.

Beauty

2008-09-24T13:35:00.001-07:00

The Lords beauty is in all shapes and sizes and colors. The freedom the animals have in the forest and waters. Sometimes I would love to be one of them animals. The people can be so evil I would just run away from these people that can do so much damage. And I feel Like they have no heart and faith. I love the beauty I see in them.

Eagles can Fly

2008-09-24T12:25:00.000-07:00

The Eagles I see fly with such grace in the sky. They show so much beauty and life. And knowing the lord had created these creatures from his mind. It is so bueatiful and mighty looking at the life of the lords creatures. They are one of many birds that fly in gods sky.

2008-09-22T14:09:00.000-07:00

I'm doing good in school and I learning a lot of things. I like school and my teachers. Some of the students are nice to talk to because I stay at home a lot and I do need someone to talk to so I like it. I like joking around with them and they listen to me too. I'm trying to grow in the positive way. Well that is what I think and I do believe in my self. As long as I feel good about what I'm doing and god it's o.k with me I can't make everyone happy and I'm not going out of my way to try. Because it would be a waste of my time.

2008-09-17T14:19:00.000-07:00

In the bright sun shows freedom with the bird flying in the air of sun. The lord shows so much beauty .

2008-09-17T14:09:00.000-07:00

To see a soilder in the bueaty of the bright sun. Its gods bueaty that is showing so well and bright. God bless him and every other soilder thats out there with him. THere in my heart. bless them all.

2008-09-17T14:00:00.000-07:00

2008-09-17T13:33:00.000-07:00

Lord I've been trying to understand why don't they talk to me. My family talks about me. I'm so tires of hearing them. They won't stop messing with my head. they won't stop lord. WHY?

2008-09-15T13:36:00.000-07:00

2008-09-15T12:46:00.000-07:00

Today I went to Mrs. Tate's class. And it was good. I like her class. I learn a lot. I'm trying to grow. And make something out of myself. I feed like my family can't even talk to me. But they have know problems talking to other people and call me a lire. That I do not understand. Because they do not talk to me at all. I hear them talking to other people all the time. I'm want them to stop the mind games. Why not talk to me and not lie. I'm so tired of lairs. I don't why people just let them keep on letting them play these mind games. I wish someone just come up to me and talk because I'm a grown woman and I need them to talk to me. How can a person grow when they just sit there and talk about a person an just go on. I am learning something. People can be just evil. And have no feelings are other people. People need to take the time out and listen to someone and talk to that person to there face. And not ask questions to another person an not to that person. I'm still asking why . I need to know that is a way if learning.

2008-09-08T14:01:00.000-07:00

2008-09-03T13:57:00.000-07:00

2008-09-03T13:30:00.000-07:00

I'm talked to my Doctor today. I forgot I had a appointment with him. But I called him and may ed a norther appointment. I get some things out that I needed to get out of my head. He is prode of me that I'm going to school. At least he is prode of me. I"m going to see my docter Monday and then go to school after my appointment so I'll have a bissy day. I'll getthings together with god on my side. And school, student. andteachers on my side. Because I feel good at school and I can do good at school. And no one can say I don't earn my grades. And that makes me feel really good when I hear that. Some people are good. I'll will make it.

2007-10-22T12:38:00.000-07:00

Today is Monday and it was a o.k. weekend. I still working on my life and trying to understand how to deal with myself . And I got allot of growing to do and not be so stubborn. All I'm doing is hurting myself or better way of saying it is killing myself. And I'm going to the V.A. on Tuesday,Thursday, and Friday. And I go to classes up there. And they are about self esteem, conflicts me little while more to get it. But some times I just don't understand why people can be so evil or what the #$%^ they are thinking when they go out of there way to hurt a person. And they just talk like they are right and if you do it a different way its wrong. I've got allot of growing up to do and if I make a mistake I will have to take it like a grown up. And do OK in dilling with my mistakes but the people will not let me live it down on my mistakes. I believe the Lord would let me know one way or a nether about my mistakes. There is so many perigees people and some is about color and allot is because you don't what ever one wants you to do. The Lord gave each of us a brain to think from and I'm trying to grow up and I may not think like ever one Else's but I don't lie and I don't try to hurt anyone. Or go out of my way to hurt someone. Because I may have something they wont and they think I didn't deserve it . They don't what I had gown throw to get what I got and they get very evil about. And I don't understand now of days people get very ugly and it does bother them. But then again they just need to talk to each other and instead of talking about each other it may be allot better world if they can be on est to each other.

CHANGES IN LIFE

2007-10-17T12:51:00.000-07:00

Give me a understanding of what people do to people. Some times I think that people was raised differently or raised on a different planet. But he was talking to me and I was unpressed with his way of thinking. He got away about what he said that made me see and think about it. I still got a lot of learning and growing to do. And we are all going to think differently and we all got are own brain that god gave us. And I think we learn a little from some one all the time. If people listen to each other and not jug each other because we are all raised differently. And some people learn things in certain ways and some of them are not the right way. And it's nice to have people inform me on a different way of thinking. I would not have thought of that if I didn't talk to him. I think if people just listen to each other more we maybe a better group of gods children. I'm really enjoying meeting people and going to school to learn in my class and learning from other students. I'm a little bit older than most of these young students and there is still some good kids now of days.

2007-10-15T12:57:00.000-07:00

I'm starting on trying to understand a little bit about my depression. I will let people get at me when I should not let people get at me. If people don't like me just leave me along. It's up to the LORD and myself. I go to a doctor every week and I'm trying to understand why I down my self. People are all the same. We all make mistakes and the Lord gives us another chance. Sometimes we don't think right but that is the Lords designate what needs to be done to me. My family thinks they can just tell people know about my problems and that will help me. That just hurts me more and makes me very angry and depressed. I've got allot of growing up to do. But I'm a adult now and my mother or sister needs to try to stop controlling me. We all have feelings and a brain to think with so why do my family think they are wright on whet they are doing.

2007-04-22T21:38:00.000-07:00

I'm learning a lot about life and it scares me.

confused

2007-04-22T19:55:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to understand people but I'm having a hard time in trusting people. I've been used a lot. And I have a family that I shore don't need any enemy's. Because my mother had fucked with my head so much I confused on a lot of things right now because they are ling to me and using me as a entertainment. Letting everyone know my mistakes. I'm so confused on life right now. I'm hurting right now. But I'm still going forward and with a lot of angry. I'm to find out how to deal with it, in a positive way. I'm starting to learn about myself and realizing I am one confused person I'm seeing what made me this way. I went though a lot of things growing up I went though a lot of mental abuse. I'm still trying to find myself and I'm having a hard time in dealing with people using me as a entertainment. I'm having a hard time in dealing with my family going out of there way to hurt me more. Why are they telling everyone my business I admit to my problems and I'm facing them everyday. Mom go's out of her way to make me look bad. And she doesn't think she as nothing to do with. My mom has a lot to do with it I'm dealing with my self right now and she doesn't think her shit don't stink. But she did a lot to me and she doesn't want to face her problems like I'm trying to do right now. I'm still fucking up but I 'm facing them. I feel alone but I'll find myself somewere. It's just hard to find some one I can trust. And there is a reason for me in this world. God put me here for some think. I just don't know what it is. Ijust got to find my path. Because I'm believing in meself. Even thow no one believes in me. I don't have to do this for anyone. I always think I'm going to disapoint my mother I got to stop leting her get at me. Because she is good at doing that. She'll go back to when I was a child. She does not let me forget. And she knows how to fuck with my head. I'm trying to understand. GOD please let me understand why there is so much evil people in this world. I know one thing I am a honest person I just got to like my self. I am doing good in school and there is some people that like me. But I do need a person to talk to me and understand what I'm feeling. I'll be O.K. with myself I'm learning alot. One thing I now I've got to stay away from my family. I'll admit to my problens and my family ain't good for me. As long as I think I'm a good person and god lves me Ill be O.K.. LORD IS ON MY SIDE. Thank you.

2007-04-11T19:22:00.000-07:00

This piece was reprinted with permission from Templum Babalonis
I see myself standing on a great hill of lush grasses and rocks of fine character. The winds of time and space whirl around me, at once caressing my skin and the soft silks that I wear, whispering in my ears and head the voices that call to me. The grass dances in response, pointing my way to the visions that I see which fall before my gaze. The wind carries away the emotions that pour forth from me—the results of what I see. I know I am not alone in this. I know that there are others, who seek the ways, the remedies, the direction away from that which we have become, to the way we might truly be.
I see our humanity, a picture of grand despair and hopelessness. Masses of people whirl through their daily lives, lost in the everyday madness that has become common life. Emptiness fills the purposes that have been given to us by others. People have lost the ways of the seekers, those that follow their inner voice, searching for their higher existence. Society has become its own life form, fulfilling its greediness at the expense of the individual. All that is achieved is to gather riches for others, while individuals struggle to make their own way, to meet their own needs.
I see common desperation. It pours forth from every porthole of expression that society allows. The media, the entertainment, portrays images of what we as humanity supposedly want to be fulfilled, ever dangling that elusive word — “happy”. The media, the entertainment, paints illusions with material ideas and objects. Those things which when gathered around us fills our homes and lives with sparkles and menial gratification, but which does not fill the void within us. There is no feeling of satisfaction.
When individuals speak to me, it is with great sorrow and longing. They long for inner strength and purpose. They long for respect, for love. They long for a voice that would be heard, and understood. They long for a life that would fill this void with purpose — with a satisfaction that says that the individual does exist, and that this existence is for a reason. Why am I here at all? Why am I alive? Why is there a state of existence? When I am not here, what will it all mean? These are questions that they ask.
I see women and men, existing together, seeking each other out, often in desperation. I hear both genders complaining and belittling the other, creating a constant push-pull relationship between them. Sexuality fills our world through the media and our daily lives, yet it is continually linked with judgment and condemnation. Sexual union is something that drives humanity in so many areas of our existence, yet due to judgment and condemnation, sexuality is rarely able to be expressed in a healthy and natural way. Sexuality has become a commodity, rather than a natural state. It is used to pit the genders against each other, through domination, manipulation, control, exploitation, and money. There is no balance between the genders on this planet.
Look at yourselves, women, and men. This is but a game, that life has become. We seek to be together, to be near, and close, and exchange ourselves, our thoughts, our desires, our love. What stands in your way? As women, do we feel the support, the love, the respect, the place in the world that we truly deserve? Or, do we feel the daily struggle, in our homes, in our work, in our community, for a true voice, for a true recognition. Are we as women safe in this world? Our strength is not recognized. Our voice is not heard. We are cast as illusions of what we have been defined as.
As men, do you feel in conflict? You are told what to seek, what to desire, you are fed the illusions of what women are and yet what sort of peace does this offer you? Where do you truly belong, and where do they? How deep is your longing, how dark and empty are the voids within you. Can you truly be who you really are? Do you know who you really are? Are you accepted by others as yourself, or do you carry the weight of the image you must portray?
I see humanity filled with apathy, dismay, disharmony, hopelessness, and anger. I am comforted by my existence, and the knowledge that there are paths that lead true seekers to a higher existence. I am comforted by the knowledge that these paths lay open to be discovered by humanity, if only humanity chooses to find them. If even one individual recognizes that there is a purpose to be discovered, then I am not alone.
The future of our planet is dependent upon such observations as these. What one finds, others will see. It is time for individuals to recognize that “every man and every woman is a star.” I stand on this hill, surrounded by the voices in the wind, and the visions that lead me forward. I am waiting for the individuals, for the seekers. I am waiting for the time to be right for me to assist others in finding their own way. “Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law. Love is the law, love under will.”
Posted in Thelema, Men, Spirituality, Women, Humanity 4 Comments »
« Previous Entries

2007-04-11T13:02:00.000-07:00

I went on with my life. And I learned not to go down that road again. Well I thought I wouldn't go there again. Well I least didn't have any kids. At the time I didn't know I couldn't have any kids. Well one thing I did was drinking a lot more every time I got kicked in the @#*^$% . I did do a lot of drinking in the Army. I was trying to fit in at the time I was not thinking that clear at the but I was doing a lot of learn by my self , without the help of family at the time they thought I was strong because I joined the Army.

उन्देर्स्तान्दिंग

2007-04-09T14:10:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to understand life and people that live life. And why people treat people the way they do now of days. When I was growing up I was told to show people respect and I should get respect back. But now of days people try to see what they can get from you without giving you the respect you give them. They like to see how much they can get from you for free. It seems like they try to see how many games they can play on you and get away with it before you figured it out that they played you. They don't seem to have any feeling. I went to the Army after I graduated high school I did three years. I had a ANEURISM after I got out, and I some hard timess for a long time but I picked myself up without the government to help me at that time I got a job and my own place. I got a boyfreind for a little while. And in that time. Some how he lost his job , his place and moved in with me. I didn't see what was happening til it was to late. He got me by my STUPID NICENESS. He ended up stealing my things ,money and my he stomped on my heart. I was young then.

LIFES GEMS

2007-03-28T12:43:00.000-07:00

http://www.mmlab2.rlc.dcccd.edu/intro11/web2054/

I went to the Army after I graduated high school I did three years. I had a aneurism after I got out, and I had some hard times for a while but I picked myself up without the government to help me. I got a job my own place. I didn't get much money but it was my money.

I got into a relationship with a guy who had a job and his own place. Some how he lost his job, his place and moved in with me. I didn't see what was happening til it was to late. He ended up stealing my things, money and my heart. I was young then - I was 23 years old at the time. I didn't have any kids. So I moved forward with life and I did drink a lot . I started drinking in high school, but I did a lot of drinking in the Army which is not a good thing but I was not thinking that clear then. I was still moving forward and taking care of the things I was shown and taught as I was growing up.

I was trying to find something or someone in life that I can live life with. But it ain't that easy as I thought it would be. I still had a lot of growing to do, but I didn't know where to go to learn the right things so I made a lot of mistakes. I had to learn things the hard way. So I did a lot of falling and getting back up. But each time I fell I drank more and didn't understand what was happening to me-- I was feeling very alone in my problem and didn't know were to go except forward. By working and take care of myself and finding my dream man I know he is out there somewhere.